But Sassyfats, you ask, how does your renewed journey of weight loss gel with your Health at Every Size philosophy? Have you left it behind? Or are you just a hypocrite?
Well, my friends, the answer is - I dunno. Here is my
By the same token, my workouts are intense but not punishing. Holloway always takes my abilities into account. If I say, "Ow," he says "Stop." If I say, "wheeze-wheeze-wheeze-hunnnnnnh!!" he says, "OK, rest until you catch your breath." His training style is friendly but firm, and we actually have a lot of fun during our workouts. And while following the program is challenging, the program itself makes sense to me. I am not hanging on until some predefined end date – I’m taking this little journey a day at a time and learning the difference between real limits and the I-don’t-wanna-you-can’t-make-mes. So I’ll say it again: Go me.
Since I have plenty of flubber to spare, a natural side-effect of my adherence to this program is bodily shrinkage. I have to admit, this side-effect has me both giddy and terrified. Giddy because as a lifelong, card-carrying fat chick, I am programmed to love, love, LOVE the idea of not weighing in at Aw, Hell No!! proportions. Terrified because I know my history – work really hard at a program that seems to make sense at the time, make plans to buy an all-new wardrobe when I’m finally skinny and deserve to be happy, hit a "screw-it" moment, and end up 30 pounds heavier than where I started. Sound familiar?
To be honest, weighing in every week has me fighting against some serious triggers. Health at Every Size has taught me that the dieting cycle is a real phenomenon that only leads to more fat and less self-esteem. My life experience resonates with this assertion. So why step on the scale week after week?
First of all, Holloway’s scale is special. It’s not just your run-of-the-mill bathroom scale that you step on and cuss at. This scale is a $3,500 body composition scale that measures fat, muscle, and water. It gives you a cute little print-out with your stats, then Holloway gives you high-fives, encouragement, and tips for continued success before filing the printout away with its predecessors. Second of all, I see these weigh-ins as the real cost of my training. I’m not sure he realizes this, but what he’s not demanding in dollars, he’s demanding in chutzpah. As long as he’s taking the time to teach me a better way to nourish and work my body, I can manage stepping on the scale.
I can say this with the utmost of confidence: This time, it’s different. This time, weight loss is not my primary goal. As stated above, the weight loss is a side effect. Both the nutritional and fitness components of this program leave me energetic and satisfied – not hungry, tired, stressed out, or generally grumpy. Unlike every other "lifestyle change" I’ve tried (and trust me, there have been many), I do not feel deprived. When I exercise, instead cursing my body for being so out of shape and demanding that it change, I’m thanking it for its strength and endurance. I have noticed a change in the way I carry myself, and how much easier everyday tasks have gotten. And I can actually feel my muscles if I squish the flubber out of the way.
I do not know what tomorrow will bring. But I do know what today brought – an intense, predawn workout that left me exhilarated and ready to face my day, three flavorful meals that left me full and satisfied, and at least a teensy bit more confidence than I had yesterday. And that, my friends, is worth all the effort.